WRITTEN ON AUGUST 11th, 2016
Do you ever get a feeling where you’ve done something so repetitively that you just can’t take it and become so frustrated? This is exactly what I’m feeling right now, but at a kind of extreme scale. I just don’t know how else I can be able to withstand life itself anymore. It’s bad enough that we had to move from one house to another but let me tell you this: It’s not getting better.
As I was typing my possible 100th post on WordPress, I was feeling that everything just wasn’t working for me anymore. I’ve tired everything to stay happy but of course something ALWAYS has to ruin it. I just don’t get it anymore. Why is it that everything bad has to happen to me when I’m already stressed, tired, exhausted, unhappy, sad, angry, and even hateful enough? I just don’t get it anymore.
It was bad enough that I wanted a girlfriend so badly in my life but there’s so no way I’m getting one for a long time, perhaps ever. It’s because everyone just doesn’t want to help me or even think that I DO exist. It just doesn’t make any sense. It used to when I was a kid where everything was free of stress and all those other feelings described in this post. Now a days, things have been so much more complicated.
There is only one thing I wish could happen now. It is a miracle. A miracle where I finally get what I always wanted: that significant other even though something tells me that I don’t need one yet but look at how lonely I’ve become. I don’t have as many, if all, friends that I used to have when I was younger. I didn’t need to worry about my autism as much back then. I didn’t even need to worry about meeting other people as well.
But you know what? Here’s an upside for this post: These days, I tend to become a social butterfly. I have much more confidence to speak publicly than before. My talents have gotten so much better than when I was a kid. I even have made 100 posts and counting on my blog KDS.
There are some things that I DO have that happen to be bright. Music, writing, even being an advocate for autism are all things that happen to be on the bright side. Maybe what’s happening is that I’m thinking about too many dark things in life itself. Perhaps I should replace it with the positive. The question is how?
I honestly wouldn’t know the answer to this question as described above but I KNOW it is possible. It will probably take time.
And do you know when I wrote this post but haven’t posted it till post 100? It’s when I was assembling the rest of my trampoline but gotten so frustrated that I was reminded of how sucky life was for me. But you know what? My happiness WILL come back hopefully.
My name is Kalin and there’s still hope left for me to turn the tables around. Darkness is nothing but a big bully. I say…
LET’S GET RID OF THIS BULLY.