A LIFE TO WRITE CHAPTER 1 ENTRY 4

10-20-2016

Entry 4

 

Today should be interesting since I’m going to the circus for the first time ever in my life. Only problem is that I might not enjoy it but heck with it! I’m going to see what it really is like there since it is an opportunity for me after all, maybe even with meeting someone new there too.

Last night was literally my worst nightmare as for the first time ever, I felt like as if I was garbage, waiting to be drifted away. In fact, I was the most upset ever since for a while during that time yesterday. Literally felt like that things weren’t going to get better. But you know what happened? Even though I released some of that pain I was having to one of my friends, she actually was ABLE to handle it, one of the few people I’ve ever met where they did know what to do. Those kinds of people are very rare because most people wouldn’t know what to do when I become someone like that. All they would do is make the problem worse by spreading it to others in a concerning way.

I wish my life wasn’t like that but at least I’m more careful now these days.

The big question still remains: What will get my happiness back AND balanced? It may seem like it’s there now, which it is don’t get me wrong! But is it balanced? Currently it’s not. I wish it was so I can keep going with even this journal of mine but things just get too hard these days sometimes. At least I don’t give up on what I’m doing that’s for sure!

I need to stop. Kind of hungry now!

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